My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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