Your tits are I can't wait for
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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