I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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