There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
be right there i have to get my cape
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
