He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
