Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
