I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
