last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
