In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm passing your future prison.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
