I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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