garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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