she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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