made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
