You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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