he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
