naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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