smell my finger.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
