6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
