just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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