help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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