i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
