Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
