I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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