Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
