Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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