i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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