You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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