Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
