i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
