no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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