I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
