So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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