John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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