You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
