Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
please don't ironically join a cult
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
