I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
