Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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