look no pants
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
