so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
