What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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