There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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