I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
