I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
