Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
