He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
