i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
