similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
