I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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