she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
