It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just cropdusted the office
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
