You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
