I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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